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"This game is a disease. There is no cure."

Overview
Cobra is a movie staring Sylvester Stallone, about some guy who likes to kick the asses of crime who he calls “a disease”. The movie isn’t all that bad, but this game is.

Gameplay
Crime is a disease. He’s the cure.
Yeah, well its more like: This game is a disease. And it is. In my life, I’ve never laid my eyes on such a load of crap. When I first played this game when I was like 8, I thought it was hard and required skill. Now I think its just plain dumb. I hate games like this that don’t resemble the movie at all. You take control of the Cobra, a hard-out rebel cop type guy. His manoeuvrability is laughable. He runs and jumps so slow. Even the bad guys on screen move faster than him. When he punches, it looks like he’s sticking a calculator out in front of him.
Then when you get your hands on a weapon like throwing knives or a machine gun, it fires so slowly. You can even lose energy by touching someone, even civilians.
Gheez, who on earth came up with this game? I even feel stink just playing this loser piece of trash.
1 out of 10

Graphics
The sprites look very large and blocky, but still pretty decent for a C64. The animations are basically lame, with male and female enemies running and floating all over the screen without a sense of direction. Yes, I said float. They do float all around the screen, because the jumping is so slow.
2 out of 5

Sound and Music
The music is from the movie. That pathetically long, droning and especially depressing tune. Or you could turn the music off and play with sound effects.
Well, I can’t say much about the sound. They are pretty typical for the Commodore 64. OK, but not good.
2.5 out of 5

Game Design
I can honestly say I haven’t made it very far in this game. I have only made it up to the place with the red truck with hay bales. So what about the design of the levels? Just your average uncreative platforms. You got your ground, the top of vehicles, building tops, blah blah blah.
Heck, the thing that pisses me off is how this game hardly resembles the movie. It is just plain shocking to actually imagine the wasted hours of hapless programming.
Now you might be thinking that I’m just being too harsh, because the Commodore 64 had limited programming in those days. Well a game like “Batman the Movie” was an awesome game that followed the movie pretty well. Although Cobra and Batman were both made by Ocean, this nonsense in Cobra is still inexcusable.
1 out of 5

Longevity
Who really cares what I have to say? I am sure a few people who have played this game in its day have had fun with it and clocked it, so therefore disagree on my views. On the other hand, I am sure that 95% of people who have played it realise that they won’t even last anymore than 2 minutes. Stand around in the same area for a few seconds and this guy with a big axe hurls himself at you, you don’t even have the time to jump over him. How sad.
Yeah, it probably does require a special way of playing to succeed. Well it doesn’t matter, because a game where you can get killed so effortlessly in a matter of seconds is a major problem.
0.5 out of 5

Buy or Rent
Borrowing the game off someone, or buying it as part of a huge selection of C64 games would be just fine.

For: a very good pre-loading screen, a very challenging game.
Against: non-sensical gameplay, enemies floating around, can get killed by civilians, depressing stink music, you won’t last that long if you’re a beginner, doesn’t follow the movie at all.

I would give this game 0%. It is only because of how I have to include things such as graphics and sound into the review, that saves this game from getting nothing.
Bottom line: this game sucks so much, it is a disease.

Overall: 2/10



Reviewer's Score: 2/10, Originally Posted: 04/09/02, Updated 04/10/02